Empath Lights The light in me recognizes the light in you.

Perception is a funny thing. It is everything really. Our perceptions guide how we live our lives. And yet, perceptions are fluid; they can change. It is always amazing to me how one’s perceptions can be so wildly different from someone else’s….

I just finished reading Malcolm Gladwell’s book David and Goliath. The book is about how perceived disadvantages can actually be advantages. He gives case after case of examples of people (such as David) who are perceived to be at a disadvantage but actually succeed on a grand scale because they turn their perceived disadvantage into advantage. In David’s case, he is small and so is assumed to lose against the mighty Goliath. But in truth, David never planned to fight in hand to hand combat. He was accustomed to protecting his flock against dangerous predators, and he was a practiced “slinger” and defeated Goliath with a small rock hurled to the forehead.

The perceived underdog takes a different and unexpected path. Had the underdog not been an underdog, he or she would not have had to seek out a different way to be in the world.

Empaths take a different path too. I am not saying that all empaths are underdogs (but in some instances they are). I am saying that the perceived “disadvantage” of being “overly sensitive” is wrong. You are who you are. An empath is an empath. It is something to celebrate, not to mourn.

It might take awhile to figure out how to navigate successfully in a world with our hearts so open. We will take different from typical paths. We can accept our ability to feel so deeply and balance it with light, not darkness. (Open hearts, closed veins.) When I have followed my heart intuition, I have had extraordinary experiences.

Our natural ability for compassion may lead us to helping and healing vocations. We use our compassion as a natural strength to greatest advantage for ourselves and others. We share by being fully present and by helping others grow. We also use our compassion to speak out  in situations that lack it. We are truth tellers.

Empaths perceive the world in a different way, but like David, don’t underestimate us. Our hearts guide our actions and feel the actions of others. We contribute a light and and an honesty to the world – something that only a highly sensitive person can do.

January 1st. People declare their New Year’s resolutions. But the truth is – we change when we have to. We change when the balance on the scale tips to one side overwhelmingly – when it is more painful or difficult or deadly not to change. We change when it becomes more difficult NOT to.

Change is not the easy way, and let’s face it, we lead busy lives. Change takes effort and a lot of it. Who has the energy? You do, that’s who….but you need to have the resolve to move forward. A skeleton plan and determination are necessary. And fans. Supporters. It is helpful to have a few (or one) key people in your corner to help in moments of self-doubt. Pray for the best possible outcome. Adopt a mantra (or mantras) to help you through.

Change is hard for everyone. However, for empaths, we don’t want to cause others pain – because we can feel it. Resistance from others is very tough for us. That’s why you need resolve and support. Because not everyone around you is going to be happy about your decision for change. You will also need to give yourself permission to express your pain. Outlets are necessary – you’ve got to find yours.

It’s true that hindsight is 20-20. Change implies struggle, and in the midst of struggle, we can’t see clearly what will come out of it. (We just need to get through the day!) But at some point, you will. It may be days, months, or years down the road before you gain a clear perspective, but you will. Change and struggle, though not wished for, bring growth that otherwise never would have happened.

My current mantra to keep me going down a path for change, that will be very visible to others, is a quote from Zen Buddhist teacher Thich Nhat Hanh, ” No mud, no lotus.” It helps center me and keep me on my path with my gaze ahead.

When making changes, give yourself the gift of time. Change is a process. Be gentle with yourself.

Roots are important to self-definition. I’ve learned to redefine what roots mean in my life, and it has been a hard, and sometimes painful, lesson.  Roots are not grounded in a place. Roots are not grounded in a family or in a single tradition. Roots are grounded in spirit, and spirit travels. You can bring your roots with you wherever you go.

This is not to say that who you live with and where you live don’t help shape you. Oh, they do. But these kinds of legacies can cause growth and harm. I’ve experienced both in spades. Family can scar you in a way that no else can. Community can betray you in a way that no one else can. The irony is that the exact opposite is also true. They can encourage you in a way that no one else can. The trick is to learn to see and acknowledge the whole picture, and then to recognize that you are an outgrowth of that picture but not a definition of it.

I have lived feeling rootless, and that doesn’t work either. It’s a lonely feeling, even if you are not alone. I had to examine my roots of origin, and what they mean for me. I had to recognize that my community really isn’t mine. I had to grapple with the feeling that I wasn’t grounded, and I had to seek ways to get grounded – because groundless people have no boundaries and get taken advantage of innumerous ways.

Wise people showed up in my life at pivotal points, and I took the leap of faith again and again. Books showed up when I needed them, and I was able to drink in their wisdom. I learned to trust and respect my heart. I learned to see the world differently and to read the messages of spirit that I am so generously given. I learned to pray honestly. I learned breathing and exercises to ground and strengthen my spirit. I learned that I am not alone, and I learned to deepen my compassion for others.

I am not an old woman. I still have a long way to go on this journey. Knowing that my roots are mobile and will be with me wherever I am gives me both solace and strength. I can picture my roots and I can feel them. Of course I can – because I am a visual thinker, and I am an empath. Namaste.

Never give in. A less used phrase than never give up. But equal in gravity and encouragement.

After expressing that I felt like I was pushing against the river, a dear friend wrote to me and told me to “Never give up…never give in.” She told me about her mother. Her mother had been both a teacher and the parent of a deaf child. My friend told me that her mother loved her job and loved being a parent. Her mother firmly believed that “one size does not fit all” in education and that each child is unique and learns at his or her own pace and style. These words were exactly what I needed to hear at this moment.

Each child and each adult is unique and grows at his or her own pace and style. Some people are accepting of this. And some are not. Not giving in tells us no matter. Accept yourself as a unique individual and grow and learn at your own pace. This will sometimes look like fitting in with everyone in the room, and sometimes it will not. Be yourself any way. It may be hard at times, but you will always feel better when you are genuine.

I was at a meeting at work with about two hundred people. I did not like the direction that the meeting was going, but I stayed in my seat in the auditorium. At one point, we were told that we would be watching a video simulation with graphic violence. We were told we could leave the room if we wanted to. Without hesitation, I got up and walked out of the auditorium, the only one to do so. I know that because I am empathic, I do not watch simulated graphic violence because it is too painful for me. Was I better or worse than the others for leaving? No. I was just being true to my own nature.

When we are advocating for ourselves, for our children, or for others, we need to remember not only to not give up, but to not give in. Not giving up means to keep on going, and there are many oft used phrases and quotes that go with not giving up that we all could recite.  But not giving in is an equally important concept as not giving up, even though it is used less often. Not giving in means not giving in to pressure. Not giving up and not giving in is to stay the course no matter the odds or the chatter around you.

Individuation means becoming your authentic self. It means reaching your full potential by accepting and embracing all of your parts. It means having a deep understanding of yourself and using that understanding as a platform for expansion. I’ve always thought of it as the expression “of being in the world, but not of it.”

Carl Jung brought this term to light and wrote about it at length. Individuation would be the goal of any person seeking health and wholeness. The modern day term closest to it would be self-actualization.

“Psychologist Carl Jung described this as individuation, the process by which the personal and collective unconscious are brought into consciousness to reveal one’s whole personality. In short: it is the process of becoming self-actualized….The individuation process leads one ever closer to the person he is meant to be, with both a sense of awareness and a sense of wholeness. This journey is not just one of becoming whole, but also one of expansion. Through individuation, boundaries of who we are and what we allow ourselves to know and feel, extend even further out into the far reaches of what is possible: our potential.” (Dr. Gross, Huffington Post, 12/30/2014)

Knowing that you are an empath, acknowledging it and embracing it as a true expression of self, is a huge step in individuation. We think and feel deeply within ourselves, but we can also feel the emotions of others and intuit many experiences of the collective unconscious. Empaths have a special place to realize in the world. Treasure your gift. Value yourself. Expand your boundaries.

I am a seeker, and I believe that you are too, or you wouldn’t be reading this page. We seek truth in spirit through experience and feeling. We want to KNOW.

We are drawn to those who can teach us more about faith, compassion, and our expanding spirit. They give us the bravery to expand our definitions of faith and to turn inward to brighten our own lights. My spiritual teachers have given me hope and healing, and by their example, have led me to new experiences and depths I would not have traversed on my own.

Spiritual teachers have appeared in my life at difficult times, and each one has taken my hand to lead me deeper down my own spiritual journey.  It has not been the easy way, but it has been the meaningful way. Each person had something to teach me, something to show me, something to lead me to a more enlightened state of consciousness.

I am grateful for those seen and unseen who guide me toward light and wholeness and oneness. May we believe that which we feel until it becomes that which we know.

It’s a stormy time for our country this election season. I can feel the anxiety that is pulsating through our people. They are very worried. Empaths can feel this worry more acutely. We can feel these unsettling emotions hovering all around us and passing through us. It’s hard to keep the negative emotions at bay.

So what can we do? First, be clear with yourself about what you believe. Then you will not be as open to absorb other’s feelings that may be toxic or at least draining for you.

Second, be careful about what you put in your brain. When you see something, that image is burned into your brain forever. When you hear something, it is never erased. Turn off the TV. Delete from social media. Unplug the hatred. Exercise control over the images and sounds that are entering your life from without.

Nurture yourself as best you can during this turbulent time. Help what ails you. Eat better. Seek out quiet. Focus your emotions using books, music, and pictures. Love your pets. Spend time with those who are steady and supportive.

Reassure yourself and others that this too shall pass. The election will be over, and the sun will still rise again on Wednesday morning. We are a strong people. We will be okay.