Self-Care

Grow the Light

March 19, 2017 by 0 Comments

Empaths seek openness, peace, and connection. Cruel people encourage inequality, violence, and rift. Empathy  and cruelty are polar opposites. Both are forces in the world, yet I am deeply saddened that cruelty is gaining strength of late.

We have never been so connected globally as we are now. By connected, I mean wired. News media,  social media, and entertainment media are accessible in a click. Information abounds. Yet these connections are giving rise to a lot of horror. And this horror can visually come right into our homes. Images that we are presented with get burned into our brains forever. Some people can handle seeing it without upset. But for empaths, the inhumanity that we see feels soul crushing.

News media could be a force for making global connections and for increasing understanding of the peoples of the world. Instead, news stories focus on violence and hatred these days. The rift between the haves and have-nots is quickly widening, and some talking heads are pushing it along. We commonly are presented with stories of murder and torture. We commonly are presented with stories of people who lie, cheat, and steal, and depending on who they are, it may or may not be okay to do so. I have stopped watching news on TV and instead read news from a few sources.

Social media is a force for making connections on a more personal level with people from all over the world who share your interests. This is a good thing, right? Can be. Yet many people are using this outlet to spread fear and hatred. I love the connection of Facebook, but I have blocked those who post on the horrific. Their energy doesn’t get to intrude onto my page at will.

Entertainment media has gone heavily in the direction of cruelty too. Try not watching any murder shows during primetime, and there is not much left. TV and films glamorize murder with carefully posed corpses and beautiful investigators. Murder is not glamorous. Ever. I’ve stopped letting these images literally bleed into my living room.

You do not have to feed the cruelty monster. This is one thing, empaths, that you do not have to nurture. Block it from your presence. Protect your light. Uplifting and enlightening media sources do exist. In fact, they abound. Choose them. Give your energy to them. Grow the light.

Self-Discovery

Curiosity, Wonder, and Connection

March 12, 2017 by 0 Comments

Filled with curiosity. That has always been one of my defining characteristics. I can never remember not being curious. Especially about people. About the human condition and about our place in the world. Which makes sense. Empaths will sense emotion intuitively and try to come to an understanding of how that emotion gets played out in the world.

Music has been one of my ways to feel and feed my emotional curiosity. Through listening to music, we can connect with stories of those who we wouldn’t meet in our daily lives but with whom we may share a profound connection. Lyrics accompanied  by instrumental emotion tell the story of us. Sometimes on a small, personal stage.

“I’ve felt you coming girl, as you drew near
I knew you’d find me, cause I longed you here
Are you my desitiny? Is this how you’ll appear?”

Sometimes on a grander one.

“Out of sorrow entire worlds have been built
Out of longing great wonders have been willed”                                                                                                   

Song comes from my favorite well of emotion in music, Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds. Song is “Are You the One That I’ve Been Waiting For?”

I find that the Arts – music, books, films, shows, art – open our hearts to others and explain what drives people emotionally under such a wide range of situations. That’s why these realms provide catharsis for us. Again and again.

The Arts make us wonder about people. Nature makes us wonder about how we are connected in the bigger picture. The beauty and awe that nature emotes from us is healing to our souls. Nature is where our senses and emotions collide. Nature photography combines art with nature. A photograph shows us things we may not otherwise have seen and may make us feel things that we would not otherwise have felt. Which leads us to wonder even more…

I will close with a quote about empaths from the Power of Positivity website from the post “6 Things An Empath Does Differently.”

“THEY LOOK AT THE WORLD WITH WONDER AND CURIOSITY.

Empathic people are learners by nature. They maintain their sense of wonder and curiosity from childhood that most of us grow out of when we become adults. They are naturally inquisitive and ask questions without judgment purely to learn and feel the experiences of others.”

Inspiration

For Love of the Underdog

March 5, 2017 by 0 Comments

Highly sensitive people especially love underdog stories. The ones where against all odds the underdog triumphs. And it isn’t easy. In fact, it’s really, really hard. Of course it is. That’s why it’s an underdog story.

An underdog is defined in Google definitions as “a competitor thought to have little chance of winning a fight or a contest,” and as “a person who has little status in society.” Synonyms are “long shot” and “dark horse.”

We love underdog stories because they are full of emotion, and empaths welcome the opportunity to travel with the underdog and their emotions. The tales can captivate us like no others, and we can let all of our empathy loose freely. It is a cathartic process. With a happy ending.

We all have our favorite underdogs. We see them in sports, in music, in history, in science, in myths, in fiction, and sometimes in our own families. Popular culture and the rise of films and social media have made underdog stories accessible to the general public world wide. We know the famous underdogs who have risen from poverty or prejudice or historical conflict. Their stories captivate us. They bear repeating again and again. They give us hope on a grander scale.

What underdog stories speak to you? Why? How do they give you hope? How do they encourage you to follow your own unique path….despite the odds? Watch films about them. Read stories of inspiration about them. Let your emotions experience their turmoil and triumph. You may see an amplified version of what you are experiencing in your life. Draw strength from them. What did they face that you are also facing? What drove them to continue chasing their dreams despite many roadblocks? And why is their story showing up in your life right now?

I’ll leave you with an inspiring quote from a famous underdog. It is taped to my refrigerator. “You are a composite of all the things you believe, and all the places you believe you can go. Your past does not define you.  You can step out of your history and create a new day for yourself.  Even if the entire culture is saying, ‘You can’t.’ Even if every single bad thing that can happen to you does. You can keep going forward.” – Oprah Winfrey….living proof.

 

 

Self-Discovery

That Which Doesn’t Kill You….

February 26, 2017 by 0 Comments

“That which doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.”  “That which doesn’t kill you, almost kills you.”

Two sides. Same coin. Two truths. Same experience.

Would you ever choose to live through the same traumatic experience again? Of course not. Would you recognize that you survived and became a stronger human being as a result of the traumatic experience? Of course. In fact, a resounding yes. Because the deeper truth is that survival by necessity contains growth. You would not be who you are today without your experiences behind you.

I am told that as a child, I was fearless. Determined. Undaunted. Great qualities, right? But what happens when fear comes knocking on your door. You are so young that you don’t recognize it. Your fearlessness is your innocence. And then someone assaults you. And now you are no longer fearless. Your innocence has been stolen  forever. That was my first traumatic experience, and it changed the trajectory of my life.

You see, trauma changes you. You are not who you were before. You are not lesser, but you are different. You become a different person than you would have been had you remained untouched. You learn a different kind of strength born of the pain. But you still wish that it never happened. And that’s where the  two sides of that saying, of that coin, will always stay with you.

I don’t know who I would be or who I would have become had I not experienced trauma. I can tell you that it took a long time to heal and that I am still healing. I can tell you that I remain open enough to love deeply and that I have learned when it is safe to be open and when it is not. I can tell you that I am a nurturing mother and that my career choice has been to work with children. I can tell you that I am an empath and that I recognize it is my gift and my calling.

Trauma. Resilience. Two sides of the same coin.

 

 

 

Self-Care

Rest and Recover

February 19, 2017 by 0 Comments

Go, go, go, collapse. Sound familiar? I’m in the cycle now on the collapse end and wondering how I got here once again. Or maybe I know. Kind of. Empaths have broad shoulders. We can bear a lot and we can carry a lot for ourselves and for others. But everyone has a breaking point, the point when your body tells you, “No, not today you’re not.” Sickness grabs your attention like no other.

I used to curse being sick because it stopped me from doing the things that I needed to do. The things that HAD to get done. The things that no one else was going to do. Guess what? The world keeps on turning and disaster does not strike when you are laid up in bed for a few days.

A wise man told me that sickness is your body’s way of forcing you to slow down. Previously, I considered sickness as an impediment to getting things done. He was telling me that sickness has a purpose all its own, and that I needed to listen to it. It was forcing my hand.

So I have accepted that when I get sick, my body is telling me that I am taking on too much and that I need a break. I need to take care of myself and let others take care of me. This sounds obvious, but not so to an empath. We are often the caregivers for others, and we feel that we are failing if we need to take time off. We will helpfully plow along until we literally can’t. It’s an oft repeated line that bears repeating here – “You can’t take care of others unless you take care of yourself.”

When you are sick you need to change the expectations for yourself until you are better. Rest is the best medicine, so take it, and take a lot of it. Give yourself the same caring advice that you would give a sick friend. Although it is hard for an empath to do, ask for help. Others (including those who love you) are not going to just know what to do and step in. Tell them what you need and ask for help.

Rest and recover. That’s my current mantra. And when I am impatient with myself, I warn myself of the mantra’s polar opposite. No rest, no recover. Listen to your body.

Self-Discovery

I Am Who I Am – Self-Reflection

February 11, 2017 by 0 Comments

“I am who I am” is a simple but powerful statement. It’s born of self-reflection. “I am who I am” suggests strength from deep and accepting self-knowledge. The sentence mirrors self-confidence. “I am who I am” means that one is self-aware without being self-conscious.

Empaths are known for feeling deeply, but we also are deep thinkers. Considerers. We are bold in a quiet way. We have the ability to feel a situation as soon as we walk into a room. This is a gift that takes time to learn to manage. Empaths sense the emotions around them quickly, but we need time to process what that means for us and for the others in the room. We feel. We listen. We think. But often between listening and thinking, we need to exit the situation for time to process. We need time in the day to pause away from others for clarity of thought, word, and deed.

Knowing who you are in a given situation and knowing who you are when you are alone comes from self-reflection. It is the joining of the public and private you. It is the “I am who I am.” Empaths tend to be more conscious of this duality. When self-acceptance and self-expression become friends and exist hand in hand, our lives are more peaceful. And empaths enjoy the swirls of emotion but crave the contentment of peace.

There are many paths to increase self-knowledge and self-perception to create a more peaceful  life. Do whatever works for you. Feed your spiritual, emotional, physical, and intellectual soul. Appeal to your senses. Build daily time in your schedule for this endeavor. Try different activities to see what works for you. I am a candle lighter. (Scented tea lights are portable and will burn out on their own.) I am a dog walker. (I go out in nature daily.) I am a sayer of prayers and affirmations. (Help! Thanks! Wow!) I am a yoga practitioner. (Daily – to help my back.) I am a listener of music. (Loudly, alone in my car every day with music available to express every emotion.) I am a reader. (Especially of memoirs and historical fiction.) I am a nurturer. (I spend as much time as I can with those I love and who love me back.)

Who are you? What do you or can you do to nurture yourself, to claim, and to know “I am who I am.”?

Advocacy

Defiant Joy

February 5, 2017 by 0 Comments

Conflict. We don’t like it. For empaths, conflict inflicts emotional overload. We feel our emotions strongly, and we feel the emotions of the others disagreeing with us strongly. Their emotions feel like an attack. A physical onslaught. What’s an empath to do?

If it’s a flight or fight scenario, I can tell you that our instinct is to run. To vacate the premises is a vote for self-preservation. This is often mistakenly interpreted as giving in to the other side. It is not. It is leaving to get away from the hostility and to re-group for another, and hopefully better, discussion.

The word “conflict” implies a serious and often prolonged argument or disagreement. Empaths don’t look for arguments, but neither do we back down to injustices. Sometimes we are thrust into the position to advocate for ourselves and others. We likely feel passionate about our view, yet physically incapable of a shouting match. Which is a good thing. Shouting feels like violence to us. (And please know, if you are shouting at an empath, they don’t even hear your words. They just hear yelling and will get away from you as quickly as possible.)

I’ve learned two tactics to arm myself in times of ongoing conflict. One is to prepare. The other is to pause.

I am in a situation now where I need to advocate for someone in my family who I love very much. So my advocacy is also steeped in emotion. I recognize this, and to handle it, I switch gears. I go to my head and educate myself. I will go into the meetings required better prepared than anyone else in the room. I will stick to the issues – which is what is best and fair for my family member. I have learned that with planning and presenting information in a clear but not accusatory way often is enough to accomplish your goals.

The second tactic is to pause. If a situation is not going well, and clearly the conflict and hostility are rising in the room, stop everything. Push the pause button. Do not agree to anything except the next time to meet and discuss the issue. Time and thought can be a game changer. The key is to remember that you do not have to agree to anything on someone else’s time table.

Now here is the hardest part for me – ONGOING conflict which requires ongoing advocacy. Dedication is required on a whole other level. It can be exhausting. Close to soul crushing. You will need defiant joy. Defiant because you will not give up. You will continue defying those who block you.  Joy because you can still feel happiness in your life in the midst of this conflict. Defiant joy is a choice you can make when those around you say that you have no choice. Yes, you do. Exercise it.

 

 

 

Self-Discovery

Resilience Needed for Empaths

January 29, 2017 by 0 Comments

How can we stay resilient and hopeful when the negative emotions in this country are crushing to empaths? I have never lived in such a time in the United States when hate was so proudly on parade on a daily basis, and the leader of the country was also the leader of the hate parade. It has been making me physically sick lately.

My creed has always been “Don’t feed the monster.” By this I mean don’t give attention and energy to the negative  because it only grows in strength when you do. For years, I have not watched the news because the stories thrive on the horrible, the deadly, the awful, and the tragic. And empaths are very visual – any horrific images will be easily recalled and burned in your brain forever.

However, you cannot live with your head in the sand. You may avoid things you don’t want to see and feel, but you will also hide your own light – and you will hide your own gift to the world – which in this case is desperately needed compassion. We need to know what is going on in the world. So I have been reading and listening to the news on the radio. A lot. And it’s mostly bad. I don’t want to get sucked down the hole of doom, so my question is what’s an empath to do?

I am usually a resilient and optimistic person, but of late, not so much. When my husband tells me that he is worried about me, I know that it is time to self-reflect, and figure out a way back towards hope. Time to find the strength for resilience.

Resilience is fighting back in a healthy way. I found a concise article with practical ideas to build resilience at verywell.com. Here are “10 Ways to Become More Resilient” by Kendra Cherry:

Find a Sense of Purpose in Your Life. …
Build Positive Beliefs in Your Abilities. …
Develop a Strong Social Network. …
Embrace Change. …
Be Optimistic. …
Nurture Yourself. …
Develop Your Problem-Solving Skills. …
Establish Goals…                                                                                                                                       Take Steps to Solve Problems…                                                                                                               Keep Working on Your Skills…

It gave me a lot to think about and remind myself of. Biggest take away for empaths was in the closing lines: “Psychological resilience does not involve any specific set of behaviors or actions, but can vary dramatically from one person to the next. Focus on practicing some of the common characteristics of resilient people, but also, remember to build upon your existing strengths.” And our strengths are to feel what people are feeling – we can hold up a mirror to injustice and offer compassion back to those in need.

Here is the link to Cherry’s full article:  https://www.verywell.com/ways-to-become-more-resilient-2795063. Go get your resilience on.

Self-Care

Emotion as Wave, not Tsunami

January 22, 2017 by 0 Comments

Empaths handle emotion by letting it move through them. You feel the emotion deeply and wholly. The emotions move through you like a big wave. You cannot speed it up or slow it down. It is a force all its own. If you try to push it down, it only gains strength. If you push it down hard, it will come back with a frightening force.

Allow yourself to feel your emotions deeply, and ignore those around you who tell you not to. You will not “get over it” until it gets over you. This is hard to explain to people who are not empaths because they don’t experience the emotion with the intensity that we do. They don’t understand that it is physically and emotionally impossible for an empath to shut off a feeling, and that trying to tamp it down is self-destructive.

This doesn’t mean that we walk around emotional messes most of the time. We don’t. Our emotions may swing more drastically than others and be more dramatic. They run deep. Deep sorrow. Deep joy. Deep empathy.

Let the wave run through you. Do what you need to do to let that happen. I listen to very loud music. I separate myself to cry in peace. I take long walks. I pray for strength. You may do these things too, or you may release your emotions in other ways. Do what works for you and helps the wave of emotion pass without turning into a tsunami.

We are susceptible to the overwhelming emotions of those around us, so we may need to be careful with where we physically go and limit time spent with certain people. This is self-protective. Like me, you may have had to learn this the hard way. I have had some very emotionally unstable friends who liked to hang out with me a lot. Because I took some of their pain away. Literally. This is debilitating. It took me years to learn to set boundaries, and I am still learning.

If I could, I wouldn’t change being an empath. I like being this way. You get to walk the world with a certain awakening to what is around you. There is a perfect joy to feeling so connected to those you are with and to your surroundings. Choose where and who you want to spend time with. Feed your empathic soul. Focus on that joy and your light.

Self-Discovery

How’s Your Solar Plexus Chakra (i.e. self-confidence)?

January 15, 2017 by 0 Comments

The web is full of information about chakras, and I encourage you to do some sleuthing. You will likely find that some of of these wheels of energy in your body are healthy and strong, and that some are not. Note that if the idea of chakras is unfamiliar to you, you will see that the information related to the chakras rings true, and that there is a lot of readily accessible information out there to help you heal and strengthen your chakras – which in turn heals and strengthens you.

Many empaths, including me, have challenges that manifest in the third solar plexus chakra. If you (like me) have a history of digestive problems and/or lower back problems, you are having issues with this chakra. The solar plexus chakra is our seat of self-esteem, self-acceptance, and self-confidence. This energy helps us more forward, face challenges, and be confident in our decisions.

Why would empaths have trouble with this third chakra? It’s not so hard to figure out. Empathy. We empathize so strongly with others, that sometimes we don’t trust our own opinions and self-definitions. We often put the needs of others ahead of ourselves – which is sometimes the right thing to do – but NOT EVERY time the right thing to do. One can be compassionate toward others and still trust and care for oneself.

There are ways to strengthen the third solar plexus chakra. Be more conscious of your decisions and actions and less influenced by other’s thoughts. Strength comes from resolve. Be physically conscious of your solar plexus – do deep breathing and core strengthening. Be spiritually conscious through prayer and guidance. Pick a few affirmations and say them throughout the day and/or sing lines from a favorite power song. Here are some affirmations for the third chakra from Chakra Wisdom ezine to get you started:

Solar Plexus Chakra Affirmations

I love and accept myself.
I stand up for myself.
I am strong and courageous.
I am worthy of love, kindness, and respect.
I choose the best for myself.
I express myself in a powerful way.
I am proud of my achievements.
I honor my self.
I choose healthy relationships.
I am authentic.
I direct my own life.
I appreciate my strengths.
I feel my own power.
I am free to choose in any situation.
I seek opportunities for personal and spiritual growth.
I am at peace with myself.

And then there’s yellow. What? Yes, yellow! Yellow is the color of the third chakra. Wear some yellow or put something yellow near you….It’s okay to have fun with this bright color….After all, the goal is for you to shine your most brilliant you into the world. And that is the gift of the third solar plexus chakra.