Advocacy

Staying Hopeful in an Unhopeful World

May 28, 2017 by 0 Comments

The world is a mess. My country is a mess. Crimes of inhumanity flooding us through the media. It is overwhelming and hurtful and difficult not to close our eyes and disappear. So, you sensitive souls, you empaths, how do you stay hopeful in an unhopeful world?

I often look to the most thoughtful leaders who live(d) through times of wretched conflict and who never gave up hope for humanity. They are the tragic optimists. The ones that know firsthand about inhumanity (having seen it up close and personal) and yet still have faith in human goodness. Abraham Lincoln, Viktor Frankel, and the Dalai Lama are the big three for me. When I feel our world has gone mad, I turn to leaders who have seen this madness on a grand scale – having survived the American Civil War, the Holocaust, and the annexation of Tibet – and I see that they all remain(ed) hopeful. Their words inspire me to keep hopeful.

Their words remind us that losing or keeping hope is a choice we can make and re-make every day.

“There is a saying in Tibetan, ‘Tragedy should be utilized as a source of strength.’
No matter what sort of difficulties, how painful experience is, if we lose our hope, that’s our real disaster.”
― Dalai Lama XIV

“Man does not simply exist but always decides what his existence will become the next moment. By the same token, every human being has the freedom to change at any instant.” – Viktor Frankel in Man’s Search for Meaning.

Words of inspiration can soothe our souls, but how do we get through the day? What can we do in our daily lives to keep hopeful? Here is some advice from Psychology Today on 3 Ways to Stay Hopeful:

1. Be kind—to yourself and others:

• Curtail your intake on media—we are constantly bombarded by media with “breaking news.” Consider watching/reading a couple of news shows/articles a couple of times a day (once a day is better). Although news reported later in the day is more current, it’s not particularly healthy to go to sleep with disturbing thoughts fresh in your mind. So make sure you read, watch or do something that will replace unwanted thoughts before entering a sleep cycle.

• Take mini-breaks—these can be anywhere from 30 seconds to a couple of minutes, two or three times a day. Shift your focus from whatever you are doing to something that brings you the feeling of happiness. For instance, visually look at the flowers in the office or the clouds floating by or photos of loved ones, or close your eyes and go to your happy place; you’ll feel refreshed.

• Practice random acts of kindness—every day! Go ahead and help the elder across the street, or get the item off the top shelf at the grocery store for the person in the wheelchair, or give a sincere compliment to your coworker, or hold the elevator door open for all to enter or exit freely. These random acts will bring a smile to your face as well as the person on the receiving end. Remember: Kindness begets hopeful feelings.

2. Treat each day like a precious gift:

• Express love tangibly—be generous with hugs for loved ones, encouraging words for coworkers, and those acts of kindness mentioned above. The more we express our love, the more deeply we feel it and the more hopeful we’ll be.

• Revel in the beauty around you—there is beauty everywhere; sometimes we just have to shift our focus. Notice the color of the sky, the grain in the wood, the water dripping off an icicle, the sound of children laughing, or bird song. Beauty is plentiful, and always there. Realizing there is beauty brings with it a feeling of hope.

• Be grateful—for everything! The roof over our head, food in the refrigerator, the warmth of a sweater, and for the people in our lives, especially our family and friends. Even in the bleakest of times, we have much to be grateful for.

3. Make a difference:

• Volunteer—if you have a special skill, consider sharing it; be a reader at your local school or a helper at a soup kitchen. And if you have a special interest, consider getting involved in an organization that improves the life of others less fortunate. Volunteering puts not only our lives, but the lives of others into perspective.

• Make calls, write post cards—if being social isn’t your strong suit, consider making phone calls or sending post cards to government officials to express your concerns. Millions of people feel the same way you do but most won’t take action. And consider breaking the mold by being pro-social – go on a mass march to openly protest injustices to women and minorities and/or to support science, climate change initiatives, etc. Being pro-active is being hopeful.

• Be kind—it’s worth repeating! By being kind to yourself and others, you automatically make the world a better, more hopeful place and pave the way for a brighter future. The Dalai Lama reminds us often that shared Compassion makes our world more loveable and liveable, but should begin with self-compassion. YOU are the key! – Rosemary K. Sword and Philip Zimbardo Ph.D.

Be kind, be hopeful. The world needs your compassionate strength.
“Let us confidently hope that all will be well.” – Abraham Lincoln
Joy

My Faithful Companions Have Four Legs

May 21, 2017 by 0 Comments

My faithful companions have four legs. They also have big hearts. And they LOVE spending time with me. They are always happy to see me, and they are open, so open to life. They encourage connection and kindness and joy. Of course, I am talking about our pets.

What is so wonderful about having pets? Why do so many people have them? The human-animal-pet connection is unique. It is distinctive from the human-human connection, but both share the emotion of seeking and making a connection with other. Many pet owners will say that their pets are a joy and at times, a saving grace, in their lives. Because pets are givers. And they are loyal. They will stay with you and accept you and meet you where you are emotionally. They will stick by you through thick and thin, and they will not judge you. They are faithful friends.

Pets are also open to joyful adventure – both at home and outside. Their curiosity and joy de vie are beautiful to observe. Just watching pets play with stuff at home and watching their reactions to the world around can make you smile. It lightens your heart. And pets are born explorers. Some will go with you wherever you go….because they trust you completely. You can experience the world outside with them, and like them, through all your natural senses. And without speech, your senses are more open.

Google the benefits of pets, and you will find many reasons and much research to support the claim. Your physical and emotional and social health all benefit from your connection with your pets. And our pets keep us in the present moment. This is the biggest benefit and gift that they give to us.

“Pets serve as constant reminders to live in the moment because it is the only way they know how to live. While us humans ruminate over the past and worry about the future, pets simply live in the here and now. Their focus is on whatever is directly in front of them. Pets appear to be simple creatures but in many ways, they are much wiser than their owners. Next time you’re on a walk with your dog or sitting quietly with your cat, remember to stop, look around, and take in the beauty of the moment.” (Emily Holland, The Chopra Center).

Now go enjoy time with yours.

Self-Care

Don’t Dwell in the House of Whatever

May 15, 2017 by 0 Comments

Don’t dwell in the House of Whatever. I spent some time there last week. And let me tell you, it can be a nasty place. Depressing. Dark and dusty. It’s hard to breathe the air in there. You don’t realize how stifling it is until you step outside. It takes a few breaths to clear your lungs. To wipe the soot from your eyes. And to remember what it’s like outside the house.

You see the House of Whatever is a dangerous place to live. Very dangerous. We all visit there from time to time. We might stick a toe in or peek our head around the corner. Sometimes we even step inside. Might sit down for awhile. But do not linger. Can’t linger. Even if it’s intoxicating for a split second. Feel it and then back away. Slowly. With determination (because the other people in there, they won’t want you to leave).

I believe that the House of Whatever is the house of complacency. “Whatever” is a bad place to be because “whatever” leads to complacency. And complacency belies despair. Deep despair. Giving up. The kind that is very hard to come back from.

If you are reading this, you likely consider yourself a sensitive person. You feel things deeply – all emotions deeply – including despair. It’s okay to feel all of your feelings. But when you hit despair, look for the nearest life jacket or outstretched hand to pull you back before you drown. Your life jacket may be another person, a pet, a prayer, a walk, a song, a mantra, etc.

You can feel deep sadness and move through it without vacationing in the House of Despair. Sadness and disappointment can feel overwhelming at times, but an empath will move through it and learn from having had the experience. We learn more compassion and understanding of ourselves and of others.

In the House of Whatever, no one cares anymore about anything. There is no compassion. There is no caring. It is a dead place. We are compassionate. We are caring. We choose connection. We choose vibrancy. We choose light.

 

Compassion

“I am a Camera with its Shutter Open.”

May 7, 2017 by 0 Comments

I am learning the hard way. When my emotions run so high that I can literally hear my own heart beating in my ear, I need to take a step back. Like the wide angle fade back in an old movie, I literally need to become a camera. An observer in the drama surrounding me. It’s the only way I can regain my composure. And hopefully, my compassion.

My transition is to imagine a black and white line drawing with the scene playing out before me, and the wide angle point is leading to me behind the protective lens of my camera. I remove myself from the situation but also remain there ever watchful. I am consciously doing this to remove myself emotionally but still stay present. (In the past, like many empaths, I would have been long gone, but this tactic is helping me to stay.)

What is the point of this endeavor? Of becoming the observer? It gives you perspective. In fact, it gives you multiple perspectives simultaneously. With a cameraman’s eye, you can look at a person as a character in the current drama. And most characters are flawed. It is the human condition. By disengaging and staying present, it helps you to more clearly see what is motivating each person in the room and perhaps why.

Truth be told, I often have to replay a situation as a cameraman after the fact because I have been too emotionally wrought during the real event. This post reflection behind a lens has been very helpful in gaining understanding and compassion for all in the room. Because truly, a character often does not know what s/he does not know. And this can be infuriating in real life. But in a movie, the viewer can garner understanding for said character. And understanding leads to compassion – even for the ignorant or misguided.

I’ll leave you with one of my favorite opening book lines from Christopher Isherwood’s memoir Good-bye to Berlin which the movie Cabaret was based on. He captures this idea of recording and watching for later reflection. “I am a camera with its shutter open, quite passive, recording, not thinking….Some day, all this will have to be developed, carefully printed, fixed.” I will add, on your timetable. And with compassion.

 

Self-Care

Be an Escape Artist

April 30, 2017 by 0 Comments

Be an escape artist. For a day. Or an hour. Or five minutes. To master the art of the escape, you need only three things: desire, vision, and opportunity. Escape artists are half methodical thinkers and half carpe diem joyriders. You can be both to take regular getaways from the ties that bind you.

Don’t get me wrong – I like my life. In fact, I love much about my life. But we humans carry a lot of stress and a lot of responsibility, and sometimes we need a break from the weight of it. A short break is a mini-vacation. Sometimes a mini mini-vacation. With a little planning and fortitude, your escape retreat time will work.

Empaths especially need escape time from others – even from those whom we love. This is no reflection on them or on us. We just need it. Why?

  1. To think our own thoughts (without interruption).
  2. To feel our own feelings (without intrusion of other’s feelings).
  3. To come and go as we please (literally).

When my children were very young, I had two hours a week to myself due to an overlap in scheduling. Two hours off duty from my job and from parenting. Those two hours were precious, and I made the most of them. They were my mini-escape and my mini-vacation where I could just think and feel and go and be. Now that they are older, I recently attended an overnight conference. I made sure to plan “escape” time and enjoyed some brisk walks and a movie that took me far away from home.

I encourage you to plan an escape and get some time away from all others. You will return brighter and better for your time away. It’s a way to protect and grow your own little inner light so that when you return, you can shine it all the more brightly on others.

Self-Care

Do the Best With What You Got

April 23, 2017 by 0 Comments

“I’m doing the best with what I got,” my sister often says. But she doesn’t stop there. She tries to make “what she got” a little bit better. You can too. One way to make “what you got” a little bit better is by doing yoga on a regular basis. It makes “what you got” stronger, more flexible and more stable. Yoga can help bring balance to your body and to your life, and it can literally change the way that you breathe.

You have one body. You were born with it, but it also carries your life history. Your body is a living combination of nature and nurture. Slightly crooked backs run in my family, only mine is more crooked than slightly. Yoga has taught me to accept my back but also to help it. I can’t make my spine straighter, but I can give it more flexibility and stability. And I can learn to breathe more calmly while I do it.

All forms of yoga focus on mind, body, and spirit, but yoga classes and teachers can vary widely. I encourage you to investigate before committing. Many classes teach Hatha yoga, and one form of Hatha yoga is Iyengar. I like this type of yoga because it is gentle. Iyengar yoga focuses on alignment, postures, and breath control. It is for all body types and all ages, and it lends itself as yoga therapy. Instructors will talk you through the breathing and the poses and give you blankets, pillows, or straps to assist you. Once you learn the basics, you can also practice yoga at home via DVD or on line videos.

Yoga also helps ground me – and grounding can be a challenge for empaths. By starting my day with yoga, I feel connected to the earth and to myself. My energy feels balanced, my breathing is low and steady, and my spine has gotten the encouragement it needs to meet the many demands of my day.

The closing words from Rodney Yee (accompanied by soft music and scenic ocean waves) on his AM Yoga DVD summarize why I get up early to start my day with yoga practice.  “Begin each and every day with openness and peace.” I wish the same for you. Namaste.

 

Self-Discovery

Oh, You Again

April 16, 2017 by 0 Comments

Ready or not, here comes change. Often, not. Change will grab hold of your life and demand your attention. You cannot avoid it. Not even a sidestep. It wants you, and though you may think that you don’t, you need it too.

People say to “embrace change.” I don’t know about you, but I can’t “embrace” it. It is not my dear friend. No kisses for you. Sorry. However, I have learned to recognize change when it comes to greet me. It’s not exactly “Hello Old Friend,” but more of “Oh, it’s You again.” I can shake hands with it as you would a wayward aunt or uncle who kinda knows you. When it draws me close, I can handle it, though reluctantly.

I will give change this – it breeds new experiences. New perspectives. New wisdom. Change makes you think of things that you never had to think about before. Change makes you walk in new shoes and wonder what it has been like for the many others in the many shoes in the same predicament that you are now facing. Change makes you stop in your tracks and examine your life. Sometimes, it literally takes your breath away.

Change can range from the catastrophic to glorious and everything in between. Death, divorce, abuse, accident, illness. Birth, marriage, romance, glory, renewed health. Jobs, moves. And of course, love. Those are some big ones that you may have met. There are more with each and every one personal to you. Personal to the core.

Change touches our hearts first. My heart reacts with “No, no, NO” or Yes, yes, YES.” I am not complacent when it comes to change. I feel it deeply, and it knocks me off my feet. For hours. Or days. Or weeks. What helps me at these times is to gather support from my trusted posse and to gather as much knowledge as I can from whatever sources are available. Often the greatest help is learning about others who have been through the same experiences. How did they survive? How will you?

And then you decide the next steps. Adjust your attitude. Adjust your thinking. Adjust your life. Reflect. Pray. Add or subtract to your daily routine. Stretch toward regaining wholeness. Recognize your own true light again, and know that it still burns.

Compassion

Generosity of Spirit

April 9, 2017 by 0 Comments

Generosity of Spirit. Generosity is the readiness to give more. Spirit rests in the emotional center inside us.   Generous can also mean large – so a generous person is large in spirit. Someone with a generous spirit is someone who lives and breathes openness and compassion. A person with a generous spirit will seek connection with others with an open heart and an open mind. Kindness is their mantra, and this is evident in how they life their life. Do you have a generous spirit? Would you like to?

I think that empaths do manifest generosity of spirit, but we do it in a quiet way. Our initial approach is understanding not judging, and we are often the listeners at work who people turn to again and again. We are the kind friend and the nurturing parent. We will go the extra mile and hold your hand through the difficult times. We are the bridge of understanding in family conflicts. We are the gift givers of time and patience.

Value your generosity of spirit and grow it more. It is likely one of your best qualities and what makes you you. At times, when I feel my spirit waning, I make a conscious choice to nurture it. How? I go out and look around. See the beauty and the gift and the power of nature and realize that you are a part of this beautiful world. See the innocence of children and watch them just being their own untainted selves and remember your own innocence and that you are still growing. See other people and remember that they are usually doing the best that they can on any given day. In essence, observe. Observe it all through the lens of openness and compassion and feel replenished.

Generosity of spirit is a gift, but it is also a responsibility. We are called to accept and embrace others. We are called to walk the world with our hearts in our hands and to build connections with others and among others. Are you up for the challenge? (I believe I hear your heart whispering….yes.)

Self-Care

Relaxing is an Activity

April 2, 2017 by 0 Comments

It might sound strange, but sometimes we forget to relax. Really. No kidding. We don’t schedule relaxing time into our days. (Have you ever written “relax” on your to do list? No, I didn’t think so.) And by the way, collapsing at the end of the day is not the same as relaxing.

Relaxing takes intention. We relax with focused intention. We choose to take time just for ourselves that will help replenish our depleted energy.

Empaths especially get depleted because we absorb other people’s energy, and our own emotions are often very intense. By the end of the day, our emotional cup is overflowing. Imagine a cup under a running faucet. You are the cup which can hold water easily. But the tap doesn’t get turned off and the emotional waterfall keeps on coming. Empaths can’t turn it off, but we can step out of the waterfall and dry off in the sun of relaxation.

So what does relaxation look like for you? Relaxing takes many forms, and you need to find which relaxing activities are enjoyable and restorative and doable for you. Here is some simple advice and a list from au.reachout.com/ways-to-relax:

“How to chill out

There are a lot of different things you can do to relax and chill out. A lot of forms of relaxation, like walking and sitting quietly, are really simple, easy to do, and don’t take much time. Others require more discipline and some training. Everyone will find some strategies for relaxation work better than others. The best thing to do is try out some of the suggestions below and make the ones that best fit your lifestyle a regular habit.

Some relaxation activities include:
Going for a walk
Taking some time out and really focussing on what’s happening around you
Listening to quiet and relaxing music, which impacts your heart rate
Going fishing
Playing your favourite sport
Taking a bath
Going to a movie or watching a DVD
Focussing your attention on a puzzle
Reading a book
Learning yoga or meditation
Practicing meditation”

When you take time to relax, your life will be better – for you and for those around you. Just do it.

Self-Care

Digital Media = Connect + Uplift

March 26, 2017 by 0 Comments

Digital media, like empathy, is a gift. And like empathy, depending on how you channel this gift will determine if it uplifts you or crushes you. You, dear empath, have a say in this. You can make wise choices for the good of yourself and the good of others.

Digital media is wide-reaching. If you don’t make any digital media choices, and let everything in, it will crush your spirit….again….and again….and again. Empaths get emotional overload more easily than others, so I encourage you to filter your experience.

Digital media connects us as never before, and the joy is that you get to pick the connections! You pick what goes on your Facebook page, and what other FB pages you want to follow. You pick what you will tweet and what twitter accounts you will follow. You get to control your Instagram, Snapchat, and Pinterest accounts. You decide who you will email and for what purpose. You choose what to browse. You decide what emails to open and which ones to delete. Do you see where I am going with this?

Make wise choices. Take care of your emotional health with the click of an add or delete. Don’t let digital media happen to you, harness it for the greater good of your spirit and the spirit of others.

Some examples from my life – I liked the National Parks Facebook page so that I can see beautiful pictures of nature show up daily on my personal FB page. I have handpicked sites to regularly show up on my digital media sources to further educate and enlighten me in my specific areas of interest. I can follow my favorite musicians and their tours. My sister and I have never been closer because of texting – sharing our lives is easier. And then there’s FaceTime and Google Hangout. I am bringing uplifting connections to me on a regular basis, and now I am able to share these images and words with others because of digital media. I am taking care of my emotional health and encouraging you to do the same.

We can be grateful that beliefs that we feel passionate about and can learn more about are so easily accessible. Digital connections can fill you up without overwhelming you. Connections are what being an empath is all about. Click on.