Joy

Take Me In Your Story, Please

August 5, 2017 by 0 Comments

Empaths and sensitive souls have mastered the art of escapism through stories. We hop in and go wherever the author takes us. It is a way that I have escaped many times while staying in one spot. It is freeing to let go of your imagination and be transported to new surroundings of time and place. You get to “meet” people you never would have known. You get to “experience” a place that you will never actually be. But because of our powers of empathy, we connect, we meet, we learn, we know.

Stories can be written words or spoken words. Stories are in books, in songs, in films, in Ted talks, in interviews, etc. They abound. And we are drawn to them. Because they increase our depth of experience. And they add to our emotional knowledge. And unlike real life, you get to pick the stories you want to enter.

For me, stories have always offered a needed escape. As a young child, I couldn’t wait to learn to read and see why my mother often had her head in a book. I wanted to know what was so fascinating and how I could get to that interesting place. As a teenager, I would play my music loudly and sing along with the band and be drawn in to their songs. Those words let me express how I was feeling too. I really like reading novels that transport me to another time and place and experience. When I’m reading a good book, I can tune out everything around me. I am in the moment with the characters. It’s the characters that get me every time. That goes for movies too.

This summer, I have been rehabbing my back. (True to form, like many empaths, I have back problems.) A saving grace for me this summer has been Hamilton. I have listened to it over and over again. This story and this music has captivated me. It makes me forget my troubles when I listen to it. I imagine what life was like for the characters/real people at that time. It shares joy and sorrow. But mostly, it inspires. And I need some inspiration right now.

So, when you need to forget your troubles, or escape from the mundane, take heart. There is an escape route nearby. Jump into a story.

Self-Care

Walking Meditation

July 30, 2017 by 0 Comments

We walk for many reasons. To gain something. To get rid of something. To get somewhere. To get away from somewhere. Etc./add your own reason. People generally agree, however, that walking is good. No negative vibes come from walking. (Even “walking away” is beneficial.) Now how about adding another dimension to your walks? How about walking meditation?

Meditation means contemplating and thinking deeply and includes focusing and noticing the present moment. It is possible to do this outside in nature while you are moving; one can achieve a form of meditation while walking. Walking meditation is unique and intentional, and it is different from seated mediation. I think that it is accessible to a broad range of people and landscapes.

Here are guidelines for walking meditation from Thich Nhat Hanh’s Plum Village Website:

Walking Meditation

Wherever we walk, we can practice meditation. This means that we know that we are walking. We walk just for walking. We walk with freedom and solidity, no longer in a hurry. We are present with each step. And when we wish to talk we stop our movement and give our full attention to the other person, to our words and to listening.

Walking in this way should not be a privilege. We should be able to do it in every moment. Look around and see how vast life is, the trees, the white clouds, the limitless sky. Listen to the birds. Feel the fresh breeze. Life is all around and we are alive and healthy and capable of walking in peace.

Let us walk as a free person and feel our steps get lighter. Let us enjoy every step we make. Each step is nourishing and healing. As we walk, imprint our gratitude and our love on the earth.

We may like to use a gatha as we walk. Taking two or three steps for each in-breath and each out-breath,

Breathing in “I have arrived”; Breathing out “I am home”
Breathing in “In the here”; Breathing out “In the now”
Breathing in “I am solid”; Breathing out “I am free”
Breathing in “In the ultimate”; Breathing out “I dwell”

Find a special place, and go….

Advocacy

Empathy to Advocacy

July 23, 2017 by 0 Comments

“All advocacy is, at its core, an exercise in empathy.” ~ Samantha Power

It is, isn’t it? Why do you advocate for someone? Why do you speak for someone who is unable to speak out for themselves? What is the sense in it? You may not have named it yet, but if you are a sensitive soul who can know and feel what others are experiencing, you likely live a life that includes advocacy.

When we think of advocates, empaths may not be the first kind of person that comes to mind. We usually are not attention seeking people, though we often find ourselves on the front lines. The struggling and the wounded are drawn to us because we see them.

The hard part for empaths is to see and to help without being crushed in the process. You have to find your niche. And you have to recognize your capacity and your limits. Your compassion needs to be strong with a healthy balance. You need to know how much you personally can and cannot handle.

Many empaths are drawn to the helping professions, myself included. My niche is with children.  I teach children. I am not a mainstream classroom teacher, however. I teach the strugglers. Sometimes, the hard cases. Sometimes, the misunderstood ones. Language, poverty, special needs come with this territory.

My compassion, understanding, and empathy are my greatest tools. When a child feels safe, loved, and supported, they will make great gains in school. My job is to ensure this – to advocate on a daily basis with the wider school community because often “you don’t know what you don’t know.”

If you are a parent, you are automatically an advocate as well. Depending on your child, your role may be lesser or greater. Even so, as empaths, we do not like conflict. (It feels like everyone’s insides are yelling!) However, we will quietly and firmly come forth to speak out for our own children as much as is needed.

An advocate is part of who I am, just as being an empath is. I didn’t seek out this role, it sought me out. I just needed the courage to own it. You too.

 

 

 

 

Self-Care

Accept the Help ….Really, It’s Ok

July 17, 2017 by 0 Comments

Empaths are not good at accepting help. And we are really terrible at asking for it. We are great at giving it. We are born nurturers. But what happens when the born nurturer needs help? We often go it alone as long as we can. And that’s often the wrong choice to make.

Empaths sometimes forget that other people can’t sense us like we can sense them. Not even close. Others don’t know what our feelings are if we don’t tell them. And if you wait for help that no one knows that you need, believe me, it’s not coming.

At the point of collapse, I usually ask for help. And I get it. My family doesn’t like to see me face down, and neither do my friends. They pick up the slack, do the things that I would normally do, and genuinely give me the TLC that somehow I thought I didn’t need or deserve. I become the receiver and not the giver, and because I am collapsed, I accept it. But I don’t like it. Not at all.

As I get older and wiser, I am slowly learning that it is okay to ask for and accept help before you collapse. (Then maybe you won’t.) Note that if you get an initial negative response (which is usually small), weather it. It’s okay for people to not be joyful about unexpected demands. However, more often than not, those who care about you are willing to help you. Let them. LET THEM.

And if you need to go outside of your inner circle for help, do it. We are a society of help providers and of health providers. You can find the help that you need (and you don’t have to wait until collapse mode).

Asking for and accepting help is a healthy choice and a healthy habit. And you want to be healthy, right? Your health and well being matter as much as those around you, right? Ask and you shall receive. It’s ok.

 

Self-Discovery

Resiliency

July 9, 2017 by 0 Comments

Hello, Resiliency. I’m kinda tired. In fact, I’m really tired and worn out. But here you are again beckoning me to come out and play. To take your hand. You wink at me, and tell me that it will be alright. And somehow, I believe you. After all, we have been through a lot together, haven’t we? An awful lot. And I’m tired. I don’t want to walk down that long path again. But you know me. I may sigh or complain. But I will walk with you. Honestly, what choice do I have?

I am not the curl up and give up kind of person. Empaths aren’t. Though emotions, experiences, and memories, (and sometimes health), may knock us off our feet, we rise. We move through it. We move through it all, and we come out the other side. Changed, but not ruined. It’s just that it’s a long journey. It’s a painful journey. And I’m tired. You tell me that things will get better. That people are counting on me. That I will feel better. Little by little. Step by step. That moving forward is my only choice, so why not embrace it?

Okay, I take your hand and off we will go. You tell me that I am not alone. We find healers. We find friends. We tell family the truth about what is going on. We seek out nature. We seek out music. We read. We love our pets. We rally for our children or our spouses. We eat better. We don’t sleep so well (yet). We walk. And we walk. And we walk. And we pray. A lot. And you are right. Little by little, step by step, we realize that we are going to be okay. We won’t be the same, but we will be okay. We were knocked off our feet (again), but we will stand strong again. And I will stay with you, Resiliency, until I make it to the other side. Hand in hand, side by side. You are a force of nature, and I finally realize, that I am too.

Inspiration

Lighthouses

July 3, 2017 by 0 Comments

What is the draw of lighthouses? Aren’t they past their time? Why are we still drawn to them? What is it about that beacon of light that still pulls us in? What is it about a building that continues to speak to us?

I spent some time this past weekend visiting lighthouses with my sister. They were all over 100 years old. Some were retired, and some were still operational. Some were in disrepair, and some were restored. Yet, I found them all beautiful.

I think that lighthouses are a strong symbol for us. They literally are the lights in a storm. They exist to help and guide you to safety. To remind you that you are not alone. They are an eternal visual symbol of hope. Hope that you can get to shore. You can weather the storm. You can complete this leg of your journey. Don’t give up.

I did some internet sleuthing on lighthouses, and I found this on Reference.com. “Because they are constructed to withstand powerful storms, lighthouses are frequently depicted as symbols of strength. They are also used to symbolize shelter, protection and peace for the same reason. Lighthouses expose the connection between inanimate structures and human emotion in a way that few other buildings can.”

And yet for all their guidance, sometimes the ship crashes, the boat sinks, and there are injuries and casualties. It’s a reminder that life is hard, there is heartache, and things don’t always work out as planned. But we notice that the lighthouse will still stand, and its light will still shine. There will be a tomorrow, and life will go on. When we survive a “shipwreck” we acknowledge that unexpected disaster can strike. There are no guarantees of smooth sailing in life.

I think that lighthouses remind us that hope and light will continue to exist. Lighthouses may become non-operational, but the idea of their guiding light lives on. The guiding light is faith. And faith’s hope and light are eternal. Who doesn’t love a forever light?

Self-Care

What You Say to You Matters

June 25, 2017 by 0 Comments

What you say to yourself is more important than what others say to you or about  you.  No one knows you and understands you like you do. You spend all your time with you. You know where you have come from and where you would like to go. You are your best cheerleader and your best advocate. You can use your unique position to your advantage….or not.

Sadly, you are not always kind to you. Sometimes you yell at you. Sometimes you call you names. Sometimes you even swear at you. This does not help you. It only hurts you. Deeply. Very deeply.

You may be thinking “Well, someone has to tell the truth. Someone needs to point out the mistakes.” But really, you know the truth. You know when you have made a mistake. Yelling at yourself only adds insult to injury. Feeling stupid never helps anyone heal.

Instead, treat yourself like you would a good friend or family member. What would you say to him or her? Is there a way to look at bad judgment and mistakes and acknowledge them without going down the road of self-hatred? To take it as a hard lesson learned, your part in the drama, and use it as a learning experience from which you will recover? Self-reflect, but in a caring and concerned way toward yourself.

Then take the next step. Thoughts, speech, and actions are all intimately related. Recognizing that is step one. Think about and talk about what direction you would like you to go. What would be good for you. Start moving in that direction – one step at a time.

Think about your life and talk to yourself in a positive manner. Use affirmations. A lot. Affirmations are assertions of who you are and what you want in life. They send out your message to the universe that this is who I am and this is where I am headed. They are always written and said in the present tense.

I am attaching an article from HuffPost by Dr. Carmen Harra about the life affirming power of affirmations. She gives a list of 35 affirmations to pick from, but she also encourages you to write you own. Pick some. Think them. Speak them. Act on them. You will grow and shine. You know it.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-carmen-harra/affirmations_b_3527028.html

 

Music

“Are You Experienced?” ~ Jimi Hendrix

June 18, 2017 by 0 Comments

I still remember my first concert experience. My first impression was realizing that this live music experience was like no other. It had its own rhythm and ritual. It had its own fuel. I entered this world, and I was now part of it. I had the ticket to get in, I earned my rite of passage, and I was now one of the initiated. I was hooked for life.

Years later, I still revel in the concert experience. There is nothing like live music. NOTHING. It is both a deeply personal experience and simultaneously, a communal one. It is a time when empaths can sway through all the emotions freely. It is an exuberant time for us.

The songs evoke emotion. And often the emotion is linked to the memories of our lives – both the good times and the dark ones. When you hear a band live (rather than a recording), the experience is magnified. The singer is speaking to you. You feel the words and the notes. You may be singing or dancing along with him or her.

And then it becomes something bigger. It becomes a communal experience shared with those around you. You may nod to each other. You may sway together. They feel it as well. They remember it as well. It is the only time these days that I am comfortable in a crowd – that I feel this is my community, just for this moment, just in this space of time. It is a singular experience that will never be exactly repeated.

I went to a concert two days ago, and I am still in a state of semi-eupohria. That’s how good it was. The singer was intense, the band was at its best, the venue was beautiful, and I was with someone I love. But really, the best part of the concert was the connection. This singer literally reached out to us during the show – to us, his devoted fans. He climbed across the chairs into the audience to get closer to us without missing a beat. He captivated me all over again. It was personal and it was communal and the music swept through us. And I was once again grateful for the live music experience.

 

Advocacy

Emotional Intensity – I’ll Take That One

June 11, 2017 by 0 Comments

If you google “emotional high,” you get a list from psychologists about pathology. If you google “emotional intensity,” you get a list about gifted people from educators. Isn’t it interesting that the same trait with a slight change in wording gives you a completely different view? And with that view, comes a completely different approach to viewing that person. Well if you’re an empath, you are that person. And that person is gifted. So thank you very much, we’ll take the gifted view.

Here are some definitions on the subject from Google:

“Emotional Intensity is a form of neurodiversity that is most often misunderstood by our culture. Emotional Intensity in itself is not a pathology. It overlaps with other traits such as being highly sensitive (HSP), being an ’empath’, having thin-boundaries, and over-excitabilities.”

“neu·ro·di·ver·si·ty
ˌn(y)o͝orōdəˈvərsədē,ˌn(y)o͝orōˌdīˈvərsədē/
noun
the range of differences in individual brain function and behavioral traits, regarded as part of normal variation in the human population (used especially in the context of autistic spectrum disorders).”
You, my friend, may fall into the category of neurodivergent (and not neurotypical). That means that your brain with its intense emotions makes you a little bit different. But you already knew that, didn’t you? The reassuring news is that we are starting to be more widely accepted as being a “normal variation in the human population.”
So I suggest that you appreciate who you are. Appreciate that you can experience emotional intensity and mirror it back to others. It is a way to get lost and stay present at the same time. Sex, music, nature, you name it, it is all more intense because of what you bring to the table. You have emotional focus. Not everyone can handle it, can handle you, but those who do may love you for it.
Empath. Emotional intensity. Gift. Think about it. Or should I say, feel it?
Self-Discovery

Go Ahead: Self-define as an Empath

June 3, 2017 by 0 Comments

There is a personal power to be gained in self-identifying as an empath. In fact, it can be a huge shift in how you see yourself and how you see your place in the world. It was for me. Instead of trying to justify your sensitivity, you can begin to see it as your strength. And there is strength in taking a stand – in saying this is who I am, there are others like me, we are valued, and I like being this way.

Learning about empaths was a huge a-ha moment for me. I was well into adulthood before I even heard the word “empath” used to define a type of person. Then the door opened wide….and quickly. Much information was readily available on the internet. But I didn’t need to read a lot to know that I had found my home base. Because I could feel the truth of it.

My personal history, my life choices, and my way of living all made more sense. There was a blueprint of self-definition laid out before me. I felt relief that there were others who lived this way – who were born this way – like me. And I felt a new gratitude for those in my life who appreciated and accepted me and my intensity and my emotion.

I also put to rest the stacks of criticism that I heard over the years that I was too sensitive, too emotional, too intense – and the message that this was a negative way to be. (Even as a small child though, I knew that I could do nothing to change that and that was just me.) And I could now see how I found creative “acceptable” ways to express my emotions outwardly, and why at times I needed to be alone to feel my emotions away from judgment. I could also see the ways that I had learned to protect my heart.

I now embrace my empathic nature. If you are an empath, I hope you too can celebrate it! You are a light in this world. You can feel the truth and emotion of a situation. Yes, it can wear you out, but you can enjoy the intensity and emotion of life to the fullest, and you can share that fullness with others. Don’t hesitate. Self-accept. Self-identify. Turn it up. Shine on.