Month: February 2018

Advocacy

Self-Perception

February 25, 2018 by 0 Comments

How do you view yourself? Self-perception is “the idea that you have about the kind of person you are” (learnersdictionary.com). How we view ourselves is more important than how others view us. Clear self-understanding leads to clear self-perception. To be the best youest you, we need to develop clear self-perception.

“To thine own self be true.” is a much quoted phrase by William Shakespeare from Hamlet. And for an empath? To be true to ourselves is to embrace and own our gift of feeling what others around us feel. It is connecting with compassion. Our nature is to live by our emotions, and our decisions will always reflect this. This is how we walk through life (even if it seems strange to others). And sometimes, it may mean getting away from others so we can breathe and regroup. We need to self-affirm what we know to be true and not be coerced out of it.

Empaths often need time to think and feel away from the emotions of others around them. That’s why when we are in a situation of conflict, we walk away. This can be interpreted as permanently retreating or surrendering. It is not. It is stepping away from the emotions of others in order to get clear about what we really feel, think, and know to be true for us. Others may push hard to dissuade us, and we feel their strong emotions like an onslaught. So we need to physically leave the room. Then we can get away from the emotional tug of the other and his/her “what about me?”  When we are clear about what we think and feel, we may re-engage to finish the discussion, or we may choose to disengage from it all together. (Note that when an empath stops talking, that doesn’t mean that we agree with you. It means that we are stepping back and going inside to affirm what we believe, and we may or may not share it with you.)

Self-talk and affirmations can help us with self-perception. What we say to ourselves  matters. Our words frame who we are. We need to build strong frames for ourselves. My every day mantra is “Be brave.” I wear it on my wrist, so I can see it every day. Pick what works for you. Own it.

 

Self-Discovery

As Long As It Takes

February 17, 2018 by 0 Comments

When are you going to get over it? How many times have you heard that? Plenty? Enough? Empaths and highly sensitive people have to hear this phrase throughout their lives. It’s offensive to us because it is pushing your disappointment into our feelings at a time when we are already hurting.

Don’t expect us to be on your timetable. We don’t get over “it” easily. We don’t get over the break up, the assault, the death, (add your own) easily. We can’t, and you implying that we can is just adding criticism to pain.

Empaths and HSPs own their own feelings. Instead of trying to rush us out of them, maybe we can show you how to move through them. Moving through our pain to the other side of our healing is a journey all its own. And we are fearless in our emotions. That is our strength.

So the answer to the question is a resounding As Long As It Takes. You can’t rush hurting. You can’t rush healing. We grieve and feel long and hard….but then we rise. We stand and let the huge wave of emotion engulf us completely and sometimes knock us over. We know that we will live through it. Furthermore, we know that the wave will change us because the upside to emotional waves is that they leave compassion and understanding in their wake. To others, it may seem like it overwhelms us, but we know that it is passing through. We can handle it. And trying to stop the wave is dangerous for us. We need to own it, so we don’t get stuck in it. So your asking us to deny it is actually prolonging the pain.

So, when are you going to get over it? Not sure. Will time heal all wounds? Not sure. But I do know that the sun will come out again. And it will rise every morning. I will rise every morning. And that the right time to move on is when you move on.

Empath parent

Empath Parents

February 10, 2018 by 0 Comments

Empath Parents. We love our kids so much it hurts (sometimes). But honestly, we are built for this job. Top tier nurturers. Hard wired for the emotional long haul of parenthood. We’re with you through thick and thin, kids, 110%. And we will hold your hand, be at your side, and help you grow. In fact, we will both grow.

The emotional connection between an empath parent and their child is very strong. This bond will provide your child with stability – especially during turbulent times. Because you are a constant, Empath Parent. You are your child’s lighthouse. You are the light in the storm. The safe haven. The constant beacon. Your child will know that they can count on you during any storm….and there will be storms.

I’ve had 3 children – one in my twenties, one in my thirties, and one in my forties. They are all different, and I was at a different stage of my life for each one of them. I had specific joys and sorrows. They had specific joys and sorrows. And yet, we continued to grow together. We still do. Because we are emotionally connected for life.

My dad used to say “Girls grow when you let go.” (This is true for boys, too.) This is a hard one for Empath Parents. Just as our children need to learn to walk on their own and stand up when they fall, they also need to learn to handle their own ups and downs. We can support them, but we need to let them own their own feelings. We would rather take on their hurts to protect them, but we can’t and we shouldn’t. (I was told this point blank by a very wise man.) Our children need to take ownership of their own feelings and circumstances to be resilient and to learn strength. We need to let them.

And remember, they have been watching you over the years. They have lived with you, Empath Parent. Your children know how strong you are. They have seen you through adversity and all its accoutrements, and they know that when you feel it all and you move through it all, you will come out on the other side.

So be a forever lighthouse for your children. Let them walk the beaches with you, but also teach them to sail. For they are on their own journeys. And your light that sparked theirs can always beckon them home.

Advocacy

We Bring the Calm

February 4, 2018 by 0 Comments

Most Empaths have the ability to project energy as well as absorb it. It often occurs without us having to do anything at all, as it seems to flow. Learning to control this can help calm situations and send peaceful, healing energy. (Sharon OBrien)

Aha moment. Yes we can, and yes we do. Are you someone who small groups gravitate toward? Family wants you present at the gathering? Work wants you on the committee? Friends want you at the dinner? There is a reason why your presence is requested. It is because you are you. And Empaths bring a lot to the table.

We can quietly read a room as we enter it. We can quietly know the feelings of the participants gathered. We know the comfort level of everyone in the room, so we can handle emotional situations with care and skill. We can improve the energy in the room by projecting calm, and calm breeds more calm. (Wise decisions are never made in a turbulent room.) Good energy in the room leads to better outcomes and better experiences.

As an Empath, you probably have this skill in spades, but maybe you have never thought about it. Consider yourself  now. People seek you out? Advice for friends? Understanding for family? Recommendations for work? Empaths listen closely to others, and we listen with our hearts. We absorb energy, and we reflect it back with great kindness. We are quiet achievers and those around us sense our knowing and request our help.

I’ll close with another quote from Sharon OBrien’s post. (Link below for those who want to read full text.)

As I mentioned, Empaths can sense the mood or atmosphere of a room or place. That can give us an indication of what to expect in many situations where others are flying blind. Since we can feel what is going on with other people, we can sense how or when it is a good time to say something, or to let something go. If you use your imagination, there are many ways to use your Empathic gift to help others as well as yourself.

Appreciate your gift. It can move mountains one stone at a time.

Is There a Positive Side to Being an Empath?